About Gummi

Gummi is London’s longest running Rubber-only night for men

A monthly night where you can wear your rubber out, have some drinks with the horniest rubbermen in London and drag them off to a dark corner. 

At Gummi you will find all sorts of rubber gear, shiny or grubby, from heavier industrial looks, waders, gas masks, to more social sporty looks. We also welcome rubber pups.

Gummi also welcomes those who may be out in gear for the first time. Let us know at the door and we can introduce you to some of the friendliest guys around.   

Gummi takes place at the Hoist London. Normally on the third Friday of every month. F Play spaces include slings, lots of dark corners and London’s largest watersports area.

There’s a staffed cloakroom and condoms, lube and plastic bags for clothes are provided.

Dress code

Rubber! Simple.

So long as your wearing some item of rubber clothing you will be allowed into Gummi. Neoprene, PVC, Heavy Industrial, wet suits, dry suits are also welcome at Gummi. Footwear must be worn boots trainers or waders are acceptable.

Team Gummi

Gummi is run by rubbermen for rubbermen.
All profits go into running the club and making it a hornier night for you! Please do get in touch if you have any ideas for future events.

Cheating gay

Half of British gay men are cheating on each other

Half of the British gay men have or had a partner who cheated on them or cheated on them themselves.

The Health Equality and Rights Organization (HERO) asked 961 British gay and bisexual men about sex outside the relationship. The results can be found in FS Magazine.

58% said they had a partner who cheated on them. 52% cheated on themselves. These are relationships that are labelled as monogamous by those involved. 45% of these men say that the partner did not find out. 40% of the men in an agreed open relationship say that they do not respect the agreements on (safe) sex with someone else.

Gay youngsters

Young homosexuals in particular often have mistaken or unrealistic ideas about relationships and about the protection that permanent relationships offer against STIs and HIV. Young people want a long-term, stable relationship through the bond. They often have illusions about monogamy.

Based on this expectation, they soon abandon condoms in new relationships. As a result of their expectations, these young people show risky behaviour, while they often think that they are avoiding risks, since they have a ‘regular’ relationship.

Young people, however, have already considered a ‘fixed’ relationship for three months. In reality, the average duration of their relationships is less than six months and they have several ‘fixed’ relationships per year.

When gay men opt for unprotected anal sex with their regular partner, it is essential to make clear agreements about both the sexual behaviour one can have with third parties and the eventuality that the agreements are sometimes exceeded. However, making such agreements presupposes a high degree of maturity on the part of both partners, and is far from obvious.

Gay relationships marriage

The American Supreme Court has legalized same-sex marriage

America lives up to its promise of freedom and justice for all’, a man in the festive crowd shouts before the Supreme Court, after it has declared gay marriage legal for the whole country. The attendees will sing The Star-Spangled Banner, the national anthem. The land of the free and the home of the brave’, it sounds on the steps of the Court, a bit solemn as befits a great moment in history.

It is not only the legalization of same-sex marriage as such, but also the speed with which public opinion on such an important social change has tipped over the past few years. After a long history of discrimination against homosexuals and lesbians, things suddenly went very fast. In 2011, there were only six American states that recognised same-sex marriage. In four years’ time, this number has risen to 36. With its ruling, the Supreme Court is now closing the last gap: the remaining fourteen states must also allow same-sex marriage. Polls show that most Americans are in favour of it.

Two years ago, the Supreme Court was still reluctant to legalise the country. This hesitation was prompted by the ruling in 1973 by which the Court ruled from above that abortion would henceforth be permitted. Many states had great difficulty in doing so. To this day, they are doing everything they can to undermine the legalisation of abortion. It is one of the most important fronts in the lingering ‘culture wars’ between the right and the left.

In order to prevent same-sex marriage from being the same thing, a majority of the nine judges of the Court in 2013 still felt that this issue should primarily be dealt with by the states themselves. So from the bottom up, so that there would be a democratic basis. But after that, the acceptance of same-sex marriage went so fast that the Court was, as it were, overtaken by time. Strengthened by the fact that a large majority of the states have now accepted same-sex marriage, it gave way and announced a nationwide legalisation.

It was pretty close. Five judges were in favour, four against. Judge Anthony Kennedy, who is often on the edge of the progressive and conservative block, was the deciding factor. He had been the hope of the LGBT movement (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders) for years. He points out that proponents of same-sex marriage ask for ‘equal dignity before the law’. Kennedy: ‘The constitution gives them that right’. According to him, states may not prohibit same-sex marriage because of a provision in the Fourteenth Amendment of the constitution, which provides for equal protection.

All four conservative judges in the Court contest the majority opinion. Judge Antonin Scalia believes that the Supreme Court should not proclaim national legalisation. Today’s ruling says that I and 320 million Americans from coast to coast are governed by a majority of the nine judges of the Supreme Court. Judges who have not been elected. According to him, this threatens American democracy.

LGBTQ rights are human rights1

LGBTQ rights are human rights

Who you fall in love with is something that only concerns you. Moreover, there is nothing you can do about it. It happens to you. Men can love men, and women can love women. And if, as a man, you don’t feel at home in your own body and want to become a woman, or the other way around, you can’t do anything about it. If people are discriminated against for that reason, it makes them extremely powerless. Especially if the government doesn’t act against it or if it promotes this discrimination.

What’s the problem?

There are 193 countries in the world that are members of the United Nations.

  • In 70 countries, homosexuality is a criminal offence
  • In 44 countries, the same applies to women
  • In at least six countries you can even be sentenced to death
  • LGBTQ rights are included in the constitution in only 9 countries
  • Same-sex marriage is recognised in 26 countries

Development

In 72 countries it is a crime to have a relationship with someone of the same sex. In 45 countries, people have been arrested for their sexual orientation in the past three years. This is unacceptable. That is why Amnesty is fighting against discrimination against LGBTQ’s. Because if we stop seeing each other as people with the same rights, repression will only increase.

LGBTQs are victims of human rights violations all over the world.

  • LGBTQ’s can be put to death by the state.
  • They regularly have difficulty accessing the labour market, housing or care.
  • They could lose custody of their children.
  • Sometimes LGBTQ’s asylum is refused
  • In captivity, they are often the victims of rape and other forms of torture.
  • In many countries, LGBTQs are threatened because they are campaigning for their rights.

More violence against LGBTQs

Small steps are being taken worldwide to combat discrimination against sexual minorities. In 85 countries, the authorities are taking action to protect them, for example by combating discrimination in job search.

At the same time, however, the last year has seen them being treated in an increasingly hostile manner. We also see violence against LGBTQ’s reviving. Three examples.

Chechnya: no place for gays

In April 2017, the independent and renowned Russian newspaper Novaya Gazeta delivered shocking news, which was subsequently confirmed by other reliable sources. The newspaper reported that the authorities in the Russian republic of Chechnya had started a witch hunt against (alleged) homosexual men. More than a hundred men were allegedly locked up in secret prisons, tortured and forced to say which other LGBTQ’s they knew. At least three men would have been killed.

In religious-cultural conservative Chechnya, homosexuality is a big taboo. Those who are ‘suspected’ of it run great risks, varying from extortion by the police to (sometimes deadly) violence by the authorities or their own family, which is encouraged by the authorities to ‘restore honour’. The leader of Chechnya, Ramzan Kadyrov, denies the allegations and even the existence of homosexuality in his republic.

Since the witch hunt, many victims and potential victims of homophobic violence have fled or are trying to flee Chechnya. Western countries are only scarcely willing to give them asylum.

Beaten up and squeezed

At the end of April 2017, the British newspaper The Guardian spoke to a number of persecuted Chechen homosexuals. Ismail (not his real name) was arrested by men in military uniform, after he had agreed with another man via social media to meet each other. They drove him to a forest, undressed him and beat him up, breaking his jaw. They also filmed the horrific incident. Then they threatened to put the video online and tell Ismail’s family that he was gay, unless he would give them a large amount of money.

He did. But when the rumours about gay persecution in Chechnya increased, Ismail fled the Russian republic. The police went looking for him and told his mother that he was gay, which is a great shame for his family. Ismail is now afraid that his own family will want to kill him.

What does Amnesty do?

Amnesty took action and organised a petition. In it, we call on the Russian authorities to investigate the disturbing reports about the abduction, torture and murder of homosexual men in the Russian republic of Chechnya. We also call for steps to be taken to protect homosexual men in Chechnya.

Indonesia: 85 floggings for gay couples

In Indonesia, sexual minorities are being treated with increasing hostility. In the province of Aceh, on 17 May 2017, a gay couple was sentenced to 85 caning, not least on the International Day against Homophobia. And that is only because they love each other.

The two men were attacked by their neighbours. They had entered their house, filmed the couple and then handed them over to the Sharia Police. It is the first condemnation of homosexuality by a Sharia court since October 2015, when Sharia law came into force in Aceh.

A cruel and humiliating punishment

Only Aceh knows Sharia law, the rest of Indonesia doesn’t. Penalties include intimacy or sex if you are not married, extramarital sex, the consumption and sale of alcohol, and gambling. Punitive battles are often carried out in public places. There are large crowds who take pictures and videos of it. This contributes to the humiliation and suffering of those who have to endure this already cruel, painful and inhumane punishment. All corporal punishment is prohibited by international human rights.

Bangladesh: men are ‘suspected’ of being gay

On 19 May 2017, an anti-terrorism unit of the police in Bangladesh arrested 28 men on suspicion of homosexuality on the basis of their clothing and behaviour. This is punishable in the country, where the vast majority of the population is Muslim. The men, mostly students between 20 and 30 years old, had travelled from all over the country to the capital, Dhaka.

Every two months they gathered there to party. The police commander said that they would be charged with drug possession – for which life imprisonment or even the death penalty could be imposed – and not with homosexuality, as the arrests took place before sexual activities took place. The police are said to have found illegal drugs and condoms in the suspects.

On 21 July 2017, the last of these men were released on bail.

LGBTQ activist and his friend murdered

In April 2016, 35-year-old Xulhaz Mannan and his friend were murdered in his home in Dhaka. Mannan was an LGBTQ activist and founder of ‘Roopbaan’, the only LGBTQ magazine in Bangladesh. Since his horrific death, many gays and lesbians have left the country after receiving death threats. Many others lead double lives to avoid problems.

LGBTQ rights are human rights

Everyone, anywhere in the world, always has exactly the same human rights. Whether you are white, black, short, tall, male, female, homosexual, heterosexual, transgender or an intersexual person, discrimination is never allowed. This is laid down in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR). Almost all countries in the world have promised to respect human rights. We continue to remind them of this. Over and over again.

In the UDHR, the rights of LGBTQ’s are not specifically described. But the document leaves nothing to be desired in terms of clarity. All people are born free and equal in dignity and rights. That is what Article 1 says. And Article 2 specifies that no distinction may be made between people, ‘without any distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status’.

In addition, the human rights of LGBTQs are violated, as laid down, inter alia, in Article 5 of the UDHR (prohibition of torture and inhuman treatment), Article 9 (freedom from arbitrary arrest and detention) and Article 20 (freedom of association and assembly).

Gay mariages

What heterosexuals can learn from gays in marriage

How do we deal with our ex? At a time when we often separate, this question is becoming increasingly important. And do homosexuals have a better bond with their ex than heterosexuals?

According to the latest figures from Statistics Netherlands (CBS), 38.8% of all marriages fail and a marriage lasts on average 15.1 years. We, the authors of this paper, ended our long relationships – not with each other – after eleven and eighteen years, and thus end up almost exactly at the CBS-average. The average age at which men divorce is 47.4, the age at which women divorce is 44.2. Also in this average we, both gay, fit exemplarily.

At a time when so many people are divorcing, their environment benefits more than ever from a good ‘marriage’. This concept was launched eleven years ago by journalist and programme maker Djoeke Veeninga. She interviewed a number of exes and collected these conversations in a book entitled ‘Marriage’. It gave a nice insight into how some heterosexual couples tried to deal with each other in a practical and friendly way, and sometimes lovingly, after the end of their relationship.

Hard jokes

Most heterosexuals don’t do a marriage, Veeninga had noticed. There was mainly an atmosphere of making hard jokes about your ex, a fighting divorce mentality, even among people who are normally forgiving or capable of solving things reasonably. She and her ex-husband tried to have the best possible contact. Unbelievable that you still get on so well with each other’, her environment was surprised to find out. This prompted her to carry out a small sociological study. She observed that the few heterosexual marriages were mainly practical, aimed at wanting to do as well as possible for the children.

After our own relationships had run aground, we started – after a while from a distance – to organise our marriage. We weren’t married, but the word marriage can also be used after a long relationship. Children, often the binding agent between exes, we both don’t have. Advice from our surroundings often read: Say goodbye to your ex, you have not split up for nothing. Or: Get over it, date someone else. These advices are in line with the idea that was common in our society for a long time, namely that it is better, or at least brighter, if you don’t see your ex anymore. Stripe underneath and continue.

But we didn’t succeed, the door to our ex-lovers and to that, often so beautiful, shared life, didn’t want to close. We noticed that the advice to say goodbye came more often from heterosexuals than from homosexuals. And we also saw that the gays around us keep their ex in their new lives much more often than heterosexuals. Is it true that homosexuals usually have a better bond with their ex-wife than heterosexuals, and if so, why is that?

There are no figures about marriage, neither for heterosexuals nor for homosexuals. CBS data do say something about the number of same-sex divorces since same-sex marriage.

Longer ex than partner

They show that 30 per cent of closed same-sex marriages ended ten years later. Gays are therefore heading for the same number of divorces as heterosexuals.

What does the marriage of Ton Muller (52) look like? He had a relationship for six years, his ex has been his ex for longer than they were partners. “The great thing is that after the relationship we continued to grow together,” says Muller. “We discuss everything with each other. Is the other person in his or her own right, why is he or she, why not? We can say everything to each other.” During the relationship, Muller had a more caring role, perhaps because he is a few years older, but in the meantime it has become more equal. Over the years, he and his ex have started to pay more attention to each other. Muller: “I don’t easily see the two of us going out or going on holiday when they’re divorced. My ex and I do that very easily.”

Rural Gays

Sociologist Laurens Buijs makes a clear distinction between rural homosexuals and gays in the city. Rural homosexuals live in a terraced house and form families; their relationships are more similar to those of heterosexuals. Gays in the city are more likely to experiment when it comes to relationships, sex, and also drugs, and, according to Buijs, this has an influence on the way in which urban gays organise their relationships, and also their marriages. He says that gays have shorter relationships more often and are more likely to find a new relationship and therefore more often deal better with their ex-girlfriend.

“Gays do want to have a normal relationship, but often they don’t succeed very well. Relationships go out faster than heterosexuals and are followed up more quickly by new relationships.” Buijs blames this on the heteronormative society. In puberty, when everyone starts sniffing around, homosexuals notice that sniffing around is not as obvious as it is for heterosexuals. That’s why they don’t go through the adolescent phase until later: when they end up in an environment where it’s possible. This late adolescence is the cause of adhesion problems and the quicker termination of relationships, says Buijs, but also the granting of each other a new future.

Past and future

Ton Muller: “Straight people still have their children after their divorce and therefore keep a connection with the past, the present and the future. I have come to see my exes as my family, they are my past and my future. That’s not going to happen consciously, but I think this way I will make sure that I won’t get lonely later on. And so are they.”

Luisa Gouveia (51) had a relationship with a woman for twenty years. Since the break they call each other almost every day. “We know each other so well, we continue to feel responsible for each other, like sisters. We don’t have to wait for each other. When my new relationship started, my ex-wife dragged me through it. Put on your sneakers and run’, she would call on the phone. She knows exactly what’s right for me.”

Doris van Delft (28) does not describe the relationship with her friend as friendship, but as special. “We came out of the closet with each other, so you’ve been through something together.”

Swedish professor of gender studies Jens Rydström sees that also in Scandinavia gay men are more often friends with each other than heterosexuals. “Gays often need a self-formed family,” he says.

Exotic

Earlier Rydström wrote the handbook on Scandinavian gay marriage ‘Odd Couples: A history of Gay Marriage in Scandinavia’. He says: “Your ex is your family. Maybe young gay couples will do things differently later, will need each other less, but I’m not sure, homosexuals remain a minority group with perhaps always their own laws.” Recently the professor went on winter sports with his ex-boyfriend. Rydström: “We both love skiing, and our current partners don’t, it was a practical and pleasant solution. But heterosexuals around me thought it was strange, almost exotic.”

Social scientist Linda Duits, who specializes in gender and media studies, blames the Christian tradition for the fact that heterosexuals are usually more difficult about friendship with an ex than homosexuals. “It is deeply rooted in our culture that men and women have to have sex in order to take care of their offspring. That puts a lot of pressure on the way they get along, even when they are exes.”

German says that the big difference is that gays follow a fairly modern scenario. “Gays started writing their own ‘script’ in the sixties, from the moment the first gay men became public.” A script is a kind of model on which like-minded people start to live. According to German, heterosexuals often follow a traditional script in terms of relationships and divorces. She notes, just like Buijs earlier, that there are also gay couples who follow the heteroscript more closely, and vice versa: heterosexuals who look at the gay script more closely. Just as there are gay couples who never see each other again after the divorce. Clattering divorces, fighting divorces as we also know them among heterosexuals, occur just as well among homosexuals. But less often, we can conclude cautiously.

Another explanation why homosexuals continue to see each other in a friendly way after their divorce lies in the way in which homosexuals shape their relationship. This is what American research from 2003 shows. Gays are better at making it possible to discuss and resolve conflicts with their partners than heterosexuals; they start the conversation more positively. In any case, homosexuals in a relationship are usually more equal to each other. Moreover, they are usually more cautious in expressing criticism, because they often do not have children as a binding agent to save the relationship. Therefore, they look for a calmer and respectful way to discuss dissatisfaction.

Although more and more divorced heterosexuals have a special bond with their ex-wife, Laurens Buijs thinks that homosexuals take the lead in this. “Straight people can learn a lot from gay people. In heterosexuals, he often notices more shame when a relationship goes out. “A lot of gay men have thrown open their sexual relationship, which gives them more autonomy and equality. As far as I’m concerned, the hetero-family model has had its day. I grant heterosexuals that they take themselves less seriously in that area.”

Linda Duits also thinks that heterosexuals should look more at homosexuals, both in the way they have a relationship and in the way they form a marriage. “In an open relationship, you don’t put an exclusive claim on the other person as much as in an open relationship. That makes the relationship healthier.” German explains that in a monogamous relationship the rule is still ‘You are mine’. “Clearly a legacy of our religious culture. As a woman, you were once given away by your father, you literally became someone else’s.”

A good marriage doesn’t have to stand in the way of a new future, of course. A good marriage is not about one night of ice either. It takes time to build that up, just like a love affair. Djoeke Veeninga wrote about her own marriage: ‘Now that her daughter is mature and independent, VM and I have come to Marriage of our own accord in the autumn of this year. VM stands here for Former Man.

Now, eleven years later, her marriage has stabilized. Veeninga: “We form a large newly composed family. Me and my husband, his children and my child will soon go to Suriname where my ex-husband is with his children. A lot of fun.” Veeninga suspects that in heterosexual movement there is a lot of marriage. “Professionally anyway, there is a whole market of mediators and divorce experts.”

Gay rights

LGTBQ, homophobia and gay hatred

All over the world, LGBT people (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual and intersexual) are victims of human rights violations. These range from subtle discrimination to imprisonment and torture.

In almost half of the world’s countries, homosexuality is a criminal offence. In some countries, it is even punishable by the death penalty.

In 2009, the International Organisation for Homosexual Rights (ILGA) published a report which stated that homosexuality is illegal in 80 countries, compared to 73 in 2017. About ten countries have the death penalty for homosexuality, but only in a few countries does the death penalty apply, such as Iran. In Uganda, a law on the death penalty for homosexuality was not adopted in 2014, after lengthy preparation. In 2017, same-sex marriage was permitted in some 25 countries, and this number is growing steadily. Only a few European countries and Canada have legal protection against homosexual discrimination. This world map of ILGA shows the state of freedom and criminalisation of sexual orientation in 2019.

Little is often known about the persecution and discrimination of homosexuals outside the West. In many countries, homosexuals are prosecuted on charges such as vagrancy or sexual crimes. In many countries, particularly in Africa, Asia and the Middle East, homosexuality is hardly accepted and prosecution is not seen as a violation of human rights. The Vatican considers homosexuality to be unnatural and strongly opposes same-sex marriage.

Every year, ILGA produces a world map of the situations in each country.

Position of LHBTIs in the Netherlands

In the Netherlands, legal discrimination against homosexual behaviour has been banned since 1971. According to the Equal Treatment Act (1994), the fact that someone is heterosexual or gay can never be a reason to discriminate or discriminate. On 1 April 2001, the Netherlands was the first country in the world to introduce legal marriage for same-sex partners; Belgium did so in 2003. Dutch married gay couples can also legally adopt children from home or abroad.

There are many people who find homosexuality reprehensible, sinful or unacceptable on religious or other grounds. Such an attitude is often referred to as homophobia or homophobia. Freedom of speech generally allows for negative judgements. Whether negative statements about homosexuals are a form of hate speech, and therefore punishable, depends on the circumstances in Dutch case law. Not every disparaging statement is a reason for prosecution.

Rights of LHBTIs: Amnesty’s vision

Amnesty International decided in 1991 to take action against all cases of imprisonment on the grounds of homosexuality. Amnesty International has an international LHBTI network that takes action against discriminatory practices. Now that same-sex marriage has been recognised in only a few countries and seems unacceptable in many, Amnesty argues that a state should not prevent homosexuals from entering into contractual relationships similar to the terms of a marriage.

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